Summary

The Power of TED* offers a powerful alternative to the Karpman Drama Triangle with its roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) provides the antidote roles of Creator, Challenger and Coach to the toxic relationship dynamics of the drama triangle and describes how to make the shift happen between them.

Notes

• Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) involves 3 roles

  • Victim: Believes his troubles are caused by other people or situations. Feels helpless and sorry for himself.
  • Persecutor: Percieved cause (person or situation) of victim’s woes. They are often victims in a different circumstance. If somebody is acting defensively against you, you might be acting as a persecutor. Try to clarify your intentions.
  • Rescuer: Intervenes on victim’s behalf and tries to rescues him. Can end up increasing victim’s dependence on rescuer and helplessness.
• FISBe: What you focus on (your orientation) determines how you act. DDT is the result of having a Victim Orientation.
  
• In a Victim Orientation, you might think you are reacting to the problem, but you are really reacting to your Internal State (Anxiety). Often, you’ll stop your action as soon as the anxiety disappears, and the problem will resurface again after a while. This leads to a roller coaster of ups and downs.
  
• Creator Orientation is the opposite of the Victim mindset. The main focus is on a Vision or Outcome.
  
• By assessing your current situation and seeing how it relates to your greater vision, you introduce a Dynamic Tension which seeks to resolve itself. Don’t let the anxiety associated with the dynamic tension trick you into the victim’s mindset.

• The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) is the antidote for DDT. The corresponding 3 roles are

  • Creator is vision focused and passion motivated. Sees other people as creators as well.
  • Challenger provokes others to take action.
  • Coach is fully engaged in the field of play in his own life, i.e he is a creator himself. He facilitates progress but leaves the power in the hand of the creator.

Thoughts

The book was a recommendation from some colleagues and a quick read. I really enjoyed reading it and so did my wife. I feel that it has given me some new vocabulary to communicate with my wife and we have been using the ideas in the book quite frequently as we interact with other family members and friends.